It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
