Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize