Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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