The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
