My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
there is glitter all over my balls
The air taste purple.
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