wrigley field is MILF paradise
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
