when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
