Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
