did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize