I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
