No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
