Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
