You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
