when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
