I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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