nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
