I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize