I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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