Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
