i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
