I'm going to jail i love you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
