his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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