the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's get the cat blown out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
