Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
