It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize