1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
