sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize