I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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