Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
