So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
