Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
