separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
