I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
