Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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