How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
