If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
