My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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