the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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