I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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