would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Randomize
