24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
