Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
