we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
