She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
