Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
