I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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