Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize