you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
