Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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