Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
