My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
