I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
