You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
