I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
