listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
