He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
