I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize