I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
