Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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