I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
