you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
