I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
