in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
