how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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