i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He had one of those small greek statue penises
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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