dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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