i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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