i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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