I wish I could teleport
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I touched a dick in church today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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