I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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