So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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