i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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