I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize