dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
