He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
