Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
People in love make me want to vomit
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
