I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
