when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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