i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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