I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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