No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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