I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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