Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
