nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
