New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
