Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
