so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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