We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
