Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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