first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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