apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize