It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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