I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
