i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone says I win the strip club
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
