we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize